Category Archives: thoughts of mine

What’s the AFTER in “And they lived happily ever after”

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Cmon,Tell me…Is it JUST ME? Am I the only one searching for the “after”?

I’m now trying to figure out the “what is” and the “when” and exactly what is it do you have to DO to get there.

For most things in our life we were trained to plan out what it is that we desire. To achieve that outcome, we go about the necessary steps. The Key is understanding the objective. For instance; If you want to be a FAMOUS Hollywood actress you may go about the steps in a certain way-For example:  you take acting classes, do the workshops and course study, get head shots, get an agent or manager, perhaps sleep with a director or producer,(optional) land your dream role, nail it, hire the BEST publicist & stylist, get nominated for an Oscar-win it…..

 

Then…..AFTER?…..

 

But that my kiddies is laid out in a pretty simple tried and true format

NOW….what about something more “NORMAL“-like romance and love? What happens to the “AFTER” after you’ve found your dream partner? After you get married to the mate of your dreams,buy the house of your dreams,take the vacations,settle in and have the babies????

 

What’s the After????

 

The house is decorated,you’ve gotten your kids in good schools,some even have gotten married and had their OWN children….AGAIN…where and what is the “Happily ever after”?

Is this AFTER thing just a title for sooo many reality TV shows? THEY have proven that” it” might not actually exist? Are we programmed to buy into the fairy tale? A myth? The same way we believed in the tooth fairy or

 

Easter bunny?

 

Being single I’m often backed into a spot where I apologizing for my “single-ness”.Almost like there MUST BE something WRONG with ME.I somehow am contributing to my own lack of a “happily ever after”. GUESS WHAT?

 

I am.I am ELECTIVELY participating in my own SINGLE-NESS,and enjoying the hell out of it.

 

I like it.

 

I truly like sooooo many things about it.

I can blame a little bit of it on my Zodiac sign for shits and giggles,as a Sagittarius-we supposedly hate commitment

-but the REAL, REAL, TRUE issue is….

I LOVE FREEDOM

 

I admit to going thru a very traumatic transition from marriage to singleness.

It was difficult being an unskilled single mother… trying to find my way,to survive and thrive.

 

But…after a year..I kinda enjoyed the feeling of NOT HIDING my shopping bags in the trunk of my car,-waiting for the opportunity to sneak them in.

Let’s just quit buying into real life as a greeting card slogan.

Life is too short to not desire happiness and contentment.

Your OWN happiness–not trying to replicate a piece of fiction in a book or TV show Don’t be afraid to call “BULLSHIT” when you see it…

And never EVER think you’ve been short-changed if you haven’t found your

 

“AFTER”

 

Now,…I gotta go to get ready for my blind date(supposedly,he’s the man of my dreams)

As they say……”Where there’s life,there’s hope”

 

And by the way…..I BELIEVE in “HAPPILY RIGHT NOW”

Keep it real

Xxoo

What’s too much baggage?

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Regretfully, I admit I am the Queen of “What If’s?” You would get the impact of this the first time you ever traveled with me.

“What if, there was a tropical storm”

“What if there is a heat wave?”

“What if I meet the man of my dreams, and he invites me to go to Monaco at the spur of the moment and I will need a black tie dress?”

You  never want to wear those brand new shoes that took two weeks to find in a rain storm. You know they only  became available because some cranky husband made his wife stick to her budget and return them.  You get it and you pack the Plan B shoes. As a fashion person you also understand the need travel with something that can be dressed up or down and look chic.

I think my best lesson for over packing or too much baggage would be to force me  to  get all my possessions  from point A to point B  on my own.

No valet, no bellman, no husband, no strong boyfriend, just me. 

Which brings me to the REAL topic of too much BAGGAGE.

I am talking about the kind we bring into relationships. The past heartache’s, trust issues, ex-wives, ex-girlfriends, baby mama’s, kids, parents, pets, mortgages, bankruptcies.

What is the right way or the wrong way to deal with other people’s issues and stuff? Is there a MANUAL ON THIS? What section would you find this in? Self-Help???

 Sort of like a hauling service that we can call?

1.800.remove.the.bullshit

“Sir, I’d like to get a rate on  towing an emotionally clingy ex-wife  who hasn’t let go?”  

“Sir, I’d like to get a rate on children who refuse to let a new woman in their father’s life.  They are afraid dad will realize they are hanging around to stay close to the MONEY.”

“Sir, how about a mom who uses her son as her primary male figure because her husband is out doing God knows what with God knows who. She has left him without any room for another woman to be in his life; And the son feels guilty.”

“Sir, How are you supposed to deal with an acquaintance who want’s to introduce you to her fabulously wealthy ex-husband?” “Are you supposed to say you’re not interested? You’re too deep in those anyway, laugh out loud.”

“And Sir, before I finish there this  friend thing , Mine says I  can’t be friends with someone, because she and that person  don’t speak anymore.”

If only you really were able to tell people how they should deal all of these situations. In most cases these can be real deal breakers. I am not kidding when I tell the story of a boyfriend with an ex wife who wanted to go on vacation with us since he was taking his daughter along on the trip.

Or I know of a mother who made sure her sons choices were NEVER good enough and everything he bought  for the girlfriend he had to buy for the mother (or keep it top secret.)

Or the friend who gave her ex husband my number only to call me every day to see if he called.  Who was the test for me or him?

If only real life was easy as removing the four extra shoes you packed in your suitcase and leaving them behind.

We all want someone with life experience, who knows how to do the right thing. Is there such a thing as the right thing? Or is it, “What feels right for you?”

I personally would like somebody who relatively clear of pre-existing baggage, or has all ready learned how to deal with it. I am starting to feel like it’s choosing the  winning lottery ticket.

I suddenly feel like I just created more room in my suitcase.

He’s NOT Just my Dog

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Ode to Harry

“Mans best friend”—it could seem a lil cliche,but…..not this time. Often the butt of many a joke in my circle of family &friends,my”relationship”with my dog HARRY, could be described as a bit obsessive. After 13 years together,this chihuahua and I have officially progressed to such co dependent state. We’re talking full- on separation anxiety for both of us when we’re apart.

I joke and call him the “stalker” since he follows me from room to room, waits and scratches outside a closed door,until I open it for him. No one who has ever been around us very much will even dog sit because of the relentless whingeing & whining while he waits for my return. In all fairness, I kinda freak out a bit myself if I’m away from him more than 2 days. ANXIETY attacks have been known to occur. I do have full conversations with him,and of course that’s because he always agrees and thinks I’m fabulous& brilliant. WE ARE crazy.!!!!!!scratch that, I am crazy Crazy like a Koo Koo bird for this devoted dog.

I’m not sure WHO the master is in this– or WHO the crazier one is, but it doesn’t matter either way. My daughter Brittny calls HARRY the “WIZARD”since he possesses some other world kind of characteristic. A very wise old soul. An observer My GUARDIAN–all 6 pounds of him. (Could be in the water around here)Often, I do an old Indian ritual, spiritual cleansing of vibrations & energies in my home. Its called “sageing”.-(burning of sage) Unlike his companion,5yr old Frankie,he calmly sits on his pillow- throne as the grey smoke billows. Frankie runs for the hills at the first whiff. Like he “gets” it.You know what?I’ve figured it out!

My bond with HARRY is not just about “now”or the present. He is my connection to EVERYTHING in MY past 13 years. Most importantly my Mom,memories of holidays,special occasions,past loves,homes….. He is my living proof that it all existed. He was there thru it all. And, He’s non-judge mental.

When I look at his big round eyes,crooked tail & his ridiculously BIG ears, I giggle I know that I have been blessed with the sweetest most loving,forgiving soul. And I say this…… even when he misses the target on a wee pad by at least a foot. In some weird indescribable way, he has taught me humility. He’s loved me just the same whether I drove a truck or a Mercedes, lived in an apartment or a house. I can not bring myself to imagine the day we will not have each other. I DO know I will never try to replace him. I really AM convinced we’ve shared a past life together…Maybe he was my horse on a battlefield…..Maybe my knight in shining armor.

The line is blurred. When people say their pet is like human I say “HELL NO!!!” —he’s WAY better than that   loving,trusting,devoted,emotional,

clever,humorous,forgiving-and ALWAYS unconditional. I believe in LOVE”LONG LIVE HARRY”

Do the sheets on someone’s bed tell you who they are?

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There is more to a bed time story then the story. Sometimes I feel like The Princess and The Pea. My mom and dad always insist that I was switched at birth. It’s crazy on how you really do sleep better on a good set of sheets and a mattress. I always freak out on the mattress commercials when they show the dust mites and how heavy your mattress is after a certain amount of years. Yikes!

I have been “THAT GIRL”, I must confess… That had to think twice about a man after I saw (the sneak peak) of the sheets on his bed. That my darlings; can be a deal breaker… I mean SERIOUSLY, You’re 40 years old and you have scoobie doo pillow cases with little mermaid sheets. REALLY!?!!!

I do know having good quality sheets is really HIGH MAINTENANCE. You just can’t throw them in the washer and dryer without ironing them. If you have really good sheets, you either have a REALLY GOOD housekeeper or a lot of time on your hands to iron them yourself. Sometimes I find ironing good therapy, but I miss New York. Where everyone sends their sheets out and they come back ironed and packaged perfectly for a decent price.